Always You
by ThisAccountIsNowInactive354085
Summary: Because Fee can't exist without Pip, and now she's just Felicity. Felicity the broken, sullied degenerate. PippaXFelicity.


**Always You**

**Was I the only one who noticed that whenever Pippa would go off on one of her romantic tangents or swoon all over some guy, the usually playful and teasing Fee would suddenly get all sulky and sarcastic instead of making fun of her outright?**

_Breathe in deep and say goodbye;_

_The saddest song I'll ever write_

_For anyone, anytime._

_Breathe in deep before I say_

_I can feel her slip away;_

_You're almost gone- _

_You're good as gone._

_-We the Kings, "August is Over"_

Every time they come back feels like falling down, Fee thinks vaguely as they walk back to Spence, her arm looped with Pip's. It feels heavy, like lead on her heart, like everything that was possible is now nothing but a stupid dream. And maybe that's what it all is, anyway.

Stupid Gemma and her stupid dreams.

And Pip's going on about her knight again, and Fee wishes oh-so-dearly to point out that her darling knight isn't real- that reality is nothing by Mr. Bartleby Bumble, _Esquire. _Because, Fee realizes, she doesn't feel threatened by him- he's nothing but an old man with a scratchy beard and rough fingers and a less than impressive limb in his trousers. That's how Fee likes to imagine it, at least. She's never seen that part of him and she hopes she never will.

"Did you see the flowers he brought me, Fee?" Pip asks, and she feels her hands curling into fists as she grumbles some sort of response. Pip huffs, as she expected. Pretty Pip- beautiful, spoiled Pip. Naïve Pip. "Well, _I _thought they were lovely."

"_I _thought they were hideous." Fee hates herself for replying, but she can never stop herself, can she? Not when it matters. Besides, she could give Pip prettier flowers- she could give Pip the _world_. She smirks, the thought making her feel duly superior to Pip's pretty little knight.

Pip giggles girlishly, and it makes Fee fold her arms over her chest, turning her head away like she does- she prefers not to be blindsided by silly questions. But then Pip's there, in front of her face, smiling sweetly up at her and it's all she can do to scowl down. "There's no need to be jealous, Fee," she says with just the tiniest hint of a smirk. _Now look who's being replaced, Fee- how does it feel, then? How does it feel to know you'll never be enough for the most beautiful girl in the world?_

_ How does it feel?_

Fee scoffs, because it's all she's got left to do without proving Pip right. "Why on earth would I be jealous of some silly child's fantasy?" she spits, childishly hoping for the sign- the little twitch that Pip always gets when she's hurt. But no- the smile just widens. "For God's sake, do say what you're dying to say before you explode, Pip," she finally snaps.

"You _are _jealous!" Pip proclaims, clapping her hands together and doing a little twirl, altogether too giddy for Fee's liking. "You're jealous of the knight!" It's like a cheer, and she loops her arm through Fee's and leans her full weight against the blonde's side, still smiling up at her, and it makes Fee feel a little better because she's taller than Pip, and for a second, it feels as if Pip belongs to her, as if Pip's staring adoringly up at her like one would a lover.

_A man._

Fee meets Pip's gaze for a moment, deciding whether to play along or not. Usually, teasing Pip was the highlight of her day, and the one way she ensured the safety of her heart. But innocent violet blinked up at her (if only she'd known then, how they would haunt her every time she looked in the mirror) and she can't bring herself to be the one to cause that flicker of pain she knows would appear. So she wraps a firm arm around Pip's tiny waist, yanking her towards her and placing a row of sloppy kisses down Pip's uncovered arm, loving the vibrations of Pip giggling against her.

"Fee, _stop _that! You're _awful_, Fee!" she squeals in that horrified manner that tells Fee she secretly loves the attention. Fee grins, her eyes glinting in the way they always do when she's about to do something she really oughtn't. She checks over Pip's shoulder to make sure that Gemma and Ann are a good distance away (and what would they do, anyway? Ann, she knows, would stand there and blush and maybe her eyes would trail unwittingly to Gemma, because Fee likes to think she isn't the only one, and deep down, she knows Pip's only playing at being in love because she fancies the emotion tragic. Gemma might make a comment or two, but mostly she'd just stand there, looking awkward as she does. So why is she always so afraid anyway? What does it matter, what they think? Who would believe them? It's not like her at all) before grabbing Pip's wrist and yanking her into the dark, leafy maze she'd discovered with that gypsy boy.

"Fee!" Pip hisses, but Fee's too far gone now, determined to follow through with her plan. As soon as they hit a dead end, they're on the ground, Fee's hands unbuttoning Pip's cloak efficiently- all those sleepless nights have given her more than enough practice. "_Fee…._" Pip's voice is now a desperate moan as Fee abandons her cloak and moves hot, selfish lips to the flawless expanse of ivory before her.

Fee's lips curve into a slight grin at the sound of it- it always fills her with such pride and she wonders if this is how that stupid Bumble man feels just looking down at her clinging to his arm like the thoughtless tart she should be. A growl rips from her chest at the thought of him. _Not now. She's mine now, not yours._

_ Don't take something that's mine._

She feels Pip's fingers work through her tousled blonde mane and moves her lips to the column of her neck, knowing that even the slightest pressure would render Pip absolutely helpless in her arms. Her fingers find Pip's midriff, savoring the soft, warm skin beneath them. Just before they slip any lower, she looks up at Pip with large gray eyes full of something she hates more than anything- uncertainty. "Pip…"

And Pip tilts Fee's chin, directing her searching eyes in the direction of hazy violet and a reassuring smile. "Yours, Fee," she says, and it's all Fee needs to hear, and she captures those sweet, smiling lips with her own once again. Pip moans into her mouth and she's the luckiest woman in the world, and then suddenly the warmth emanating from Pip's skin is gone, replaced by something icy cold and chapped.

She pulls away and she's facing a monster wearing Pip's clothes. The creature who stole Pip away from her grins widely, displaying a row of sharp, not-quite-white teeth, and as Fee backs away, it crawls closer and closer.

_Don't take something that's mine._

Fee shakes her head, backpedalling fast only to trip over her hands and land hard on her back. The creature wastes no time in straddling her body, and Fee wants to cry because suddenly she can't feel her arms or legs and she's helpless- _trapped_, and she can't run away.

Not anymore.

_"Don't you _love _me, Fee?"_

Finally she regains movement in her feet and she scrambles away, pushing through hundreds of scraggly, dying branches because Spence has suddenly become the Winterlands but she doesn't have time to wonder why.

_"I've a love, a true true love…"_

The tears are streaming down her face now, mixing with the blood of the cuts that mar her face. She can't feel the branches as they collide with her bare skin, and the monster's right on her heels, chasing her, grabbing at her. She has to run, because if she doesn't, she'll be trapped forever.

Like Pip.

_"And my true love lies _waiting…"

_"Fee…"_

_ "Felicity…"_

"FEE!"

Felicity jerks awake so quickly that her head hits the back of the oak headboard and she winces, slumping over, her knees hunched in front of her. "Bloody _what_?" she spits at a terrified Ann and a rather nonchalant Gemma.

She shoots Gemma a dirty look, which Gemma easily returns. Felicity's never really known what to think of Gemma, a person as close to her equal as she'd probably ever meet. She hates the way Gemma seems to mock her with those stupid eyes of hers, like she knows she's more powerful than Felicity will ever be, but she's sure that she'd slit her own wrists if she were left with only Ann to occupy her time.

But none of it matters without Pip, because Pip was the only one who meant anything, wasn't she?

"You wouldn't wake up," Gemma says dryly, and Ann nods behind her. Gemma leaves it at that, but Ann, ever awkward, ever desperate Ann continues.

"You must have been dreaming something awful," she says in her stuffy, nasally voice, and Felicity imagines her hands to be sticky, like a child who's played in something they shouldn't have. "You were crying, you kept moaning, something about 'don't take something that's mine' and…and about her too. About-"

Felicity's hand moves before Ann can register what's happened, and then there's suddenly a stinging sensation in Fee's hand and an angry red welt across Ann's cheek. Her glassy eyes widen, and her mouth forms into an 'o', so much like Pip that day…

Gemma glares and Felicity purposefully turns away from her. Why is it always her who's forever doing the wrong thing? Why is it always her who's to blame? "Do shut up, Ann," Felicity spits as Ann begins to whimper, brushing harshly past her and out into the cold night air of Spence, despite the fact that she's wearing nothing but her slip.

What will they do, expel her? Reprimand her firmly?

What does it matter now, that everything Felicity's ever really loved has not only left her, but haunts her even in her sleep?

Felicity hates this world, this world of corsets and dresses and admirals who love their daughters a bit too much. She hates it because it's ugly and she hates it because it's so horribly unfair, but most of all, she hates it because it took Pip from her, and with Pip went Fee.

Because Fee can't exist without Pip, and now she's just Felicity. Felicity, the broken, sullied degenerate. Felicity, the girl who can't look at herself in the mirror without seeing those sad, violet eyes blink back at her, confused (always confused), wondering why she won't stay. Wondering why she won't love her.

_But I do love you Pip._

_It's you who never loved _me_, Pip._

_You, Pip, always you._


End file.
